Thursday, December 21, 2006

Death is My Color



My stupid heart, why keep on beating, still?
I'm supposed to be strong
To shine through every single pain
But I just so freakin' miss her.
What a broken, shell of a once-proud man am I?

And yesterday, a relative died.
And a week before that, a great man died.
People will remember you, through the things you've done.
I'm smiling from the heart for some reason.
What'll people gonna remember me for?
Who'll remember? Who'd even care?
Everyone dies alone.
While death is my color,
and black is my theme
Why oh why am I...
afraid of the 'alone' part?

MJ 51st week of 2006 CE
©
Photograph by Ed Snyder.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I'm Lucky



I asked you GOD for love and respect, and you send me the best human beings to know on mother Earth, so thank you. The fact that there are people out there thinking about me, even for few minutes or seconds, gives me much power and will to live and achieve my dreams. So help me GOD in appreciating all this, and help me remember that MJ's nothing without my friends.

Don't wanna waste time on anything else except contributing a tiny little bit back to the world. While at times I'm so certain about my purpose, there comes those other times, where I can't think at all. Makes me think what's so wrong with me, how do I get out of this, with emotional issues so tightly chocking me not to trust anyone, and my fears.. oh the fears.

Yet if I don't live to see 26, that's cool, for darkness does make sense, with so much beauty in this world, and the love, heart, body, mind and soul. It's been a blast and I am grateful for most of it, if not all.

MJ, Dec 5th, 2:48am, 2006 CE
© Photograph by smurfie_77.

Monday, October 30, 2006

del.icio.us Bookmarks Toolbar


I started using the del.icio.us Bookmark extension for Firefox and I'm really lovin' it!

This extension integrates your browser with del.icio.us, the leading social bookmarking service on the Web. It does this by replacing the default bookmarking functionality in Firefox with a new experience that offers the following advantages:

  • Search and browse your bookmarks
  • Access your bookmarks from any computer at any time
  • Keep your bookmarks organized with tags
  • Share your bookmarks with friends or anyone on the Web
  • Import your existing Firefox bookmarks


Saturday, September 16, 2006

Blogger in beta

A new version of Blogger in beta was launched in August 14th, 2006. I've finally made the move and joined in the testing, and am looking forward for more exciting features to come. As for now, I'm pleased to use the new templates and the labels, as well as having to use my Google account rather than a seperate account on Blogger.

ext2/3 on Windows XP

  1. Download Ext2Fsd
  2. Install it.
  3. Start --> Run... --> cmd.exe
  4. cd "C:\Program Files\Ext2Fsd"
  5. setup xp [for other versions of Winedoze, use '2k' or 'w64' instead of 'xp']
  6. mount 1 3 x: [type 'mount' alone for help]
  7. After finishing, use 'umount x:' to unmount.
Note 1: 'ext2fsd.sys' is in 'Setup\wxp' folder inside 'Ext2Fsd-0.25.zip'
Note 2: 'ext2fsd.inf' is in "C:\Program Files\Ext2Fsd\"
Note 3: For more information see: "C:\Program Files\Ext2Fsd\Readme.txt"
or http://sourceforge.net/project/show...

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Firefox Extensions & Themes

I currently use Mozilla Firefox GNU IceCat (the GNU version of the Mozilla Firefox browser) with the following extensions:

GNU IceCat - GNU's version of Firefox

As for the themes, I use these:

(to be updated later)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Losing The Point II

(Part II out of ? of Losing The Point)
Like you'd care enough... just go google stuff or something
Oh, more simple English? Sure: F U C K__O F F

This is a newer me: MJ version 25.018

I'm fed up and EXTREMELY tired of explaining
explaining my life
explaining myself
I've been wondering why this world does not care
I see now it's the reason why the world's so fucked up
we misunderstand each other
And I have no inspiration, whatsoever
And am tired of those couple of centuries
And I put it so clear for you to see
Right there, it's in your mouth
But no, you need help to swallow
It's a given: I'm always wrong
mark those words and be happy
You all are, except me
Fuck normality
Fuck happiness
Fuck me for caring so far
And you dare to teach me of love?
What do you know about hearts?
You're scared shitless to discuss/feel the pain
Another fast-food you're feeding your kids?
No, I never pretend to know stuff, unlike you
I say what I know only, am not an ignorant
And since you doubt every word of mine,
Why da fuck don'tchya double check on me?
And you cry watching TV? What's up with that??
You're in touch with your feelings now?
You would stop wars if you could?
But you're welling to hate me anyway, aren't you?
And you think I'm kidding here?
Does it feel like a fuckin' joke to you?
And ya teach me of my disorders
Yet you keep forgetting my fucked up name?
What does it mean telling that girl she needs a boob job?
Is sex all there's on your mind?
What kind of souls do you people have?
So you say you understand so much
You understand so and so
And you understand I'm wrong
Well fuck it, this is deep, so what's up?
You want water? You wanna cut off your ears?
You think I'm a suicidal 'cos I mention suicide a lot?
It's pens and pencils, among other things
But she's still lying naked there
And you obviously understand
But this is mindfucking stuff
How did you understand?
But you really really do
And I don't
And you think this shit is nothing
But you're still afraid, kiddo
Hell, I have fears too
And anger is an important subject
But you're beautiful, you have two parents
And kids laughed at you, but whatever
So why do you drink, my friend?
Does it feel I'm acting shit?
Do you need more dosage of sanity?
Honey, don't press that button
Just say I'm wrong
And I'd say you're right again
But oh, you've been to school
So you were somebody
But you felt like you're nobody
And you know I'm wrong
But your heart is broken
And you've cried some nights
But I don't give a fuck anymore
And your Math and logic
That's a joke, and you can't beat me there, but who am I?
Like that nightmare of yours
But no one cares baby
And you can't find the sense here
Or you can pretend you do
But who said you can rip my fuckin' life apart
Merely through stuff, through words that I say?
'Cos I'm done trying
I'm done swallowing shit
No more
But you think I can't write now
So who cares, like I'd care


"And everybody knows that you're in trouble
Everybody knows what you've been through
From the bloody cross on top of calvary
To the beach of malibu
Everybody knows it's coming apart
Take one last look at this sacred heart
Before it blows
And everybody knows
"

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Wandering




Sometimes I like to get lost
Alone wandering different places
I don't really know the way
I don't really care
Just me, myself and my solitude
Some people might avoid such abandoned places, like these in the pictures, but I love them. It came to my attention that I'm not alone doing this. To wander around sometimes is very healthy I guess. You look and just wonder what stories could those walls tell if they could talk. I look at such buildings and take mental notes. The darker a building inside the better to me. But there are always people nearby. Sometimes I just don't want to be around people, you know?
Lost in your thoughts
To wanna be something
To think you'll ever matter
Dead yet so alive
Hated yet so loved

To wish you weren't born human
Yet really love all humanity
...
..
.
Gotta stop mumbling... this inarticulately of mine!

"You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes

Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
"









All this reminds me of a nice friend of mine, and her all-time favorite things :)

MJ, May 3rd, 2006 CE

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Dot of Light

In my dreams
I see myself dead
I hear screams
of unholy ones
Sounds of birds
disturbing my resting
I heard them
half awake
I saw some light
a dot in the dark
It doesn't feel right
existing without purpose
Though it's comforting
living in the darkness
Feelings taking over
yet you try with hope
Music is strange
like sounds of wind
I'm lost in space
and can't find the campuss
I woke up by the sound of pigeon
It was in the room
Looking around
standing on my books
I didn't want to wake up
But I had to get it out
It came from the window
and now it's trapped
It looked scared to see me moving
I came to help
Couldn't go back to sleep
couldn't remember the rest of my dreams
I wanted to go out
sit on some grass
feel the freshness
It's just another day
I'm choosing to live.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

The World Is Flat

I strongly believe that the world we're living in today is flat. Yes, I believe it is flat. It's very flat.

I hate arguing with people. The other day, I've been drawn into an argument about flatness of the world, and the person chatting with me thinks it's flat! That person refused to believe such a given information that planet Earth cannot be flat, and there are many indisputable proves. I mean we're living in a world of satellites and such, and you can see the proof by yourself so easily. That person thought I'm the ignorant one between the two of us, that I'm the one with my head up my ass. I guess I'd rather keep my head up my ass then, since people celebrate ignorance nowadays instead of knowledge, science and hard evidence.

I'm not pissed about this particular argument. I'm just tired of all the shit I hear all day everyday. I'm tired of ignorance and superficiality.

I see dumb people T-shirtIt's pointless to argue with close-minded people. I truly believe that most of us are going straight to hell, faster than the speed of light, for our ignorance, negligence and wasting the gift of the human brain. I mean "TV is gooder then books", isn't it? People would rather learn from a fictional film rather than reading good books. I love films with all my heart, but they aren't written by scientists and it's just a fiction written by shallow minds for your pleasure. It's sex, drugs and violence. Show me the titties, right? Who gives a rat's ass about artsy fartsy films anyway! I guess I was wrong after all to choose loving art, correct? Let's sit together and watch MTV. MTV rules, right?

Whenever someone starts with a little intelligent thought for discussion, they get a reply like: "Dude, get yourself a girlfriend." I mean sex is everything on today's American young minds. Oops, did I offend you for stating simple truths? Shouldn't you label me Anti-American or something?

One guy suggested to me burning all the books in the world and going digital video! What a bright idea! I should have used the word "cool!" I can stand intelligent conversations and arguments about paper and such, but I didn't see anyone helping us growing back trees. Some people can care so much about their pets, but won't shed a tear for the killing of other human beings.

Crash (2004) was a big disappointment to many, because it touches on sensitive issue that no one want to talk about. You don't want to discover your true self nor improve on it, do you? You do??? Well, aren't you just saying that? Are you sure? Well show me what you're going to do about it.

“Ignorance, that we deal with, with everyday people. 'Cause they don't know. People think they know, but you don't know. I thought I knew, but I didn't know.” ~Lila Lipscomb in Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)


TV

On the subject of being right, knowing I'm an INTP person, I'll repost step #9 of Iganokami's Guide to the INTP Mate:
The words "you always think you are right!!" are the LAST words an INTP wants to hear from their mate. The INTP wants debate! Wants intellectual stimulation!


Note for Dummies:
No, I do not think that the world is physically flat. Earth is a planet.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Crash (2004) film short review

Part #01 of my "Why do I love films" series of ongoing articles.

Films can change people's minds, thoughts, lives and can be more effective today than, say, an old man's story.

Crash (2004) is an award-winning film now. It's an art film and I love art films. It's rare for me to not like an art film. Crash (2004) had many qualities that makes a good film, from actors performances and an excellent script, to Cinematography, editing and directing. I didn't enjoy it the whole time I was watching it, and I couldn't believe myself.

Now what's the difference between art films and typical Hollywood films, you ask? Many differences. One difference is that art films are not made for your pocket money, to please you or your genitalia. They're made to deal with important subjects and things that matters to humanity and it delivers message(s) to audiences. You can usually tell if you're watching an art film (as opposite to Hollywood films) by noticing how uncomfortable you are. Does it lead you to thoughts that you were trying to escape from? It's called thought-provoking. They are made in order to make you think about the subject in question. It's always good to use the mind and to be allowed to use it while watching a film, much like reading good books and such.

What I did after Crash (2004) ended, is that I started thinking of the film and wondering why I didn't like it?! Then, suddenly, it hit me like a fast & loaded train in the head.

The film is about racism and when people judge people by color, race and such. I never was one of those who do such judging. I've taught myself better than that. I've taught myself not to fall into such trap. Now I'm embarrassed to discover that I judged a couple of characters in the film. I couldn't believe it. I thought I knew better. How dare I? Seriously, I was shocked at myself. I can blame others and the media but I'm a man. Real men admit their mistakes. It was my mistake and what a big mistake it was. I'm embarrassed at myself and it all started by a film. Got the point?

Still want to know the power of film? Keep reading my series of articles.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Losing The Point

I pray
from my raped heart
that peace someday
will fill the world
As joy was pain to me
and breathing simply hurts
As the blood
was just a favorite color
And the soul
is damaged for good
As tears fill the eyes
every night trying to sleep
I Pray and pray
and pray some more each day
That your world is filled
with colors
many colors
all colors
but black.


I'm writing these very words while tired of thinking, thinking of everything, and I'm tired of being tired. There is no place whatsoever for a person like me in this world, or so it seems. I absolutely am losing my well-power to pursue my dreams or even stay alive. I'm seeing black everywhere. No one ever understands me. No one cares. I no longer care either.
Who'd read what I write?
Who'd appreciate my art?
Who'd listen to my opinion?
To my thoughts, ideas and feelings?
Who'd listen at all?
Do I care anymore?
Is it all my fault?
Or was I simply born in the wrong century?
Am I stupid? Insane?
Am I an error of mother nature?
What's the purpose of my creation?
I cared for others. Did they notice? No. I've invested the time of my life trying to be what everybody wanted me to be. I just wanted each and every single person pleased. Is it my heart? Because I feel cold inside of me. I can't force myself to give a damn anymore. I really, truly and utterly don't. GOD if you're reading this, post a comment. Well, it's not so bad, since breathing was never fun anyway. I don't want anyone to care. I don't want anyone to even try. I'm not asking for help here. Don't misread my words or try to interpret them your way. For once read my lips: my words are precise expression of how I'm feeling at the moment. There's nothing between the lines here. I don't use any psychology techniques like reverse psychology nor looking for empathy from whomever reading this.

I was handsome I was strong,
I knew the words of every song.
Did my singing please you?
No, the words you sang were wrong.


I was just trying to matter.


Note: Being the INTP person that I am, here's something on the subject:
The INTP spends their life examining themselves and their relationship to see what they need to do to make it work. So they spend all their time critically analyzing it...

(a repost from step #11 of Iganokami's Guide to the INTP Mate)

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Others with INTP personality

In my last post, I've listed some famous INTPs:

Famous INTPs, according to INTP SURVIVAL GUIDE, includes: Einstein, Newton, Darwin, Socrates, Pascal, René Descartes, C. G. Jung and Brent Spiner.


Here's an extention to that list:

According to Socionics.com: Dustin Hoffman, Shannen Doherty, John Travolta, Bob Geldof, J. K. Rowling, Gabriel Byrne, Stewart Granger, Roy Dupuis, Thomas Cavanagh, Diane Lane, Isaiah Washington, Emily Procter, Liam Gallagher and George Harrison.

FAMOUS INTP'S according to MountainValleyCenter.com: James Madison, John Quincy Adams, John Tyler, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Gerald Ford, William James, Henry Mancini, Bob Newhart, Tiger Woods

What I'm interested into the most right now, is getting to know as many INTPs as possible. Looking for blogs like HyperThinking.us and anything really about being an INTP and living as an INTP. StumbleUpon has a list of people most of them are INTP just like me.

I'm INTP

I am an INTP person:

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.
Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)


And BrainTypes.com says:
BCIR/INTP "Logician":
master of conceptual logic; problem-solver; scientific—desires understanding of universe; designs logical models; seeks precision; introspective; adaptable; tends to excel in theoretical, philosophical subjects; logical abstraction skilled.


This is the INTP personal type according to MountainValleyCenter.com:
Quiet, reserved, impersonal. Enjoy especially theoretical or scientific subjects. Logical to the point of hair-splitting. Usually interested mainly in ideas, with little liking for parties or small talk. Tend to have sharply defined interests. Need careers where some strong interest can be used or useful.


TeamTechnology.co.uk discribtion of INTP:
The Dominant function is the judging one of Thinking. Characteristics associated with this function include:
  • Likes making decisions on the basis of logic, using objective considerations
  • Is concerned with truth, principles and justice
  • Is analytical and critical, tending to see the flaws in situations
  • Takes an objective approach


And here's where it gets even more interesting:
Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the INTP's shadow may appear - a negative form of ESFJ. Example characteristics are:
  • expressing intense negative emotions towards others
  • being very sensitive to criticism
  • becoming preoccupied with details, without any logical basis
  • interpreting facts or events in a very subjective way

This is so true for me since forever. And if you factor this with my other issues, you might get a slight idea about my life.

In Iganokami's Guide to the INTP Mate, it says:
1. Lots of sex
I dont think it is just me as an INTP who finds this a very important part of a relationship and the most important physical expression of love in a relationship - it is NOT a selfish act for selfish physical satisfaction. but hell, it is damn pleasing, too

2. Moral support
It is a tough world out there for INTPs

3. An equal
INTPs have no wish to dominate, and are crushed by domination

4. Someone who is next to unoffendable.
INTPs tend to lack tact, but also want and need to be brutally honest with thier intimate partners - they want someone who they can playfully insult, who will then either laugh in thier face or give it right back.

5. Someone who can accept them for who they are and not try to change them.
INTPs appear erratic to the casual observer in a relationship, for example - they appear to demand solitude one moment, sex the next. Non-INTPs find this VERY hard to reconcile with their typical conception of "love"

6. Someone who accepts the peculiar WAYS they show thier love.
Be it really, really sappy hopless-romantic type drivel or passionate physical expression, or just a touch or a simple look. The INTP way is very hard to catch, if you blink, you miss it. Non-INTPs tend to want tokens and words, not a slow dance in a room with no radio, not a quiet cuddle in front of the TV at the end of the day, or the other strange and random expressions that INTPs tend to give. [This ties in with #5.]

7. SPACE [as in both physical and emotional space]
In case it was missed, I'll mention it again: SPACE!! INTP men need their free time to pursue intellectual pursuits, and CAN NOT be:
a.) disturbed
b.) told they dont love thier partner because they spend too much time "alone", etc.
INTP men disappear for a while, then come out swinging. this FORCES most non-INTPs to think that the INTP partner only wants them for sex. This is wrong, but if the non-INTP is not capable of #5 and #6, they are forced to believe it.

8. Comforting. [this goes along with #2.]
The world sucks, particularly for INTPs. They are capable of an utterly staggering amount of patience and responsibility, but in the long run, without #2 and #8, the relationship will ultimately die, or the INTP will DIE a very real death. With #2 and #8, an INTP can take a spectacular amount of abuse, responsibility, and patience in life, as long as his partner supplies #2 and #8 in sufficient quantities.

9. An intellect. a person who can hold their own in a debate.
The words "you always think you are right!!" are the LAST words an INTP wants to hear from their mate. The INTP wants debate! Wants intellectual stimulation! If they doesnt get it at home, #7 becomes very very very important. If their mate can not handle #7, there will be PROBLEMS. If the mate can supply #9, the INTP will be very happily occupied with their mate for a long, long time.

10. Someone to learn with. [This goes with #9]
Someone who is interested in learning and intellectual stimulation. The INTP needs someone who they can learn with and enjoy the mysteries and adventures of life with. Someone who can understand their interest in the esoteric, show appreciation for their interests, and even join them in these interests, or introduce them to new ones.

11. Someone capable of self reflection and self analysis.
Often the INTP finds that they are the only one "growing" in a relationship, the only one who can see the problems in the relationship. This usually forces the INTP to be the one to change, to be the one to compromise for their partner. Because many non-INTPs have no true ability to self reflect the non-INTP thinks they are ALWAYS right. The INTP spends their life examining themselves and their relationship to see what they need to do to make it work. So they spend all their time critically analyzing it, and the mate does nothing but demand that they change. This will eventually lead to the spiritual DEATH of the INTP, if not the actual PHYSICAL death of the INTP. To avoid this, the INTP person NEEDS a mate who can examine the relationship WITH them, so they can grow TOGETHER.

I love the parts #2, #9, #7, #10, #6, #8 and #3 (damn it, I proved I'm an INTP by rearranging the numbers by order of importance), especially the parts with the space, the "if you blink, you miss it" thing and of course "The world sucks, particularly for INTPs." Well it does. It really really does.

Finding out all this about myself changed my life. Take the test, and if you're an INTP person, I'd love it if you contact me (through posting a comment or something). There are many personality tests like this one, if you want to take some more.

Famous INTPs, according to INTP SURVIVAL GUIDE, includes: Einstein, Newton, Darwin, Socrates, Pascal, René Descartes, C. G. Jung and Brent Spiner. Such a fitting group, since I always adored their works and lives for a very long time.

More information about INTP? Check these links:

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Google Hacks #3

To learn some cool official tricks on using the Google search engine, take a look at the Google Web Search Features.

Examples:

  1. This one should be one of the basics: if you don't have an exact key word(s) in mind, use what you know (information related to the subject you're looking for).

    For instance tonight while I was watching the Oprah show I got interested in the book of Lynn Kohlman because I found her story to be a very inspiring story. The story about her being a former model that went through a double cancer hell (read the user reviews on Amazon.com). I'm never good with names (keep forgetting them) but knowing such name could've lead me directly to what I want. In my case I used some of the information that I knew about her to get my search results:
    DKNY breast cancer brain book
    Her name appeared directly in the results page (1st result with name in title too). From there I found the book on Amazon.com. This was just one example of how I used simple words to get results about something that I didn't remember. I used what I remembered about the show but if it was you, you might remember different things than me and in worst cases you could use Oprah's name for our example.


  2. If you need to find out the title of a film and you can describe it then try this:
    movie: red pill blue pill


  3. If you need to know the definition(s) of something try this:
    define:precision


  4. What pages link to the following page?
    link:www.bittorrent.com


  5. Find by file type:
    form 1040 filetype:pdf


  6. Sometimes I forget how to get to a page so here's what I do:
    I use the Azurues Wiki a lot but I always forget the link so I go to www.google.com and type:
    Azureus wiki
    then I click on the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button which takes me directly to the page I wanted.


  7. Sometime I'm looking for something on a specific website only, so I type:
    novell linux desktop site:pcmag.com
    What's more interesting to me, is how I can really use this to find that page on using SpeedTouch USB with Slackware. When you visit the Linux-usb.org webpage on the SpeedTouch modem, you'll get links to some very popular Linux distros such as SUSE and Ubuntu. I remember seeing one page about Slackware but the links to it appears to be removed while the page itself still exists and sometimes I need it, so here's how I utilize Google to get to it:
    Slackware site:linux-usb.org/SpeedTouch/
    then click the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button :)
    It's like a hidden page. My guess is that they removed the links to it because it's much more complicated when compared to the other pages (you're required to make your own kernel for Slackware, etc...)


  8. Here's a feature that I use and people working for Google also use. If you're unsure about how to spell a certin word, just type what the closest thing to it and Google will suggest the correct spelling (but remember that sometimes the spelling you typed might not be meaning-less Google might think you meant exactly what you typed, if you understand what I'm talking about).