Losing The Point

I pray
from my raped heart
that peace someday
will fill the world
As joy was pain to me
and breathing simply hurts
As the blood
was just a favorite color
And the soul
is damaged for good
As tears fill the eyes
every night trying to sleep
I Pray and pray
and pray some more each day
That your world is filled
with colors
many colors
all colors
but black.

I'm writing these very words while tired of thinking, thinking of everything, and I'm tired of being tired. There is no place whatsoever for a person like me in this world, or so it seems. I absolutely am losing my well-power to pursue my dreams or even stay alive. I'm seeing black everywhere. No one ever understands me. No one cares. I no longer care either.

Who'd read what I write?
Who'd appreciate my art?
Who'd listen to my opinion?
To my thoughts, ideas and feelings?
Who'd listen at all?
Do I care anymore?
Is it all my fault?
Or was I simply born in the wrong century?
Am I stupid? Insane?
Am I an error of mother nature?
What's the purpose of my creation?

I cared for others. Did they notice? No. I've invested the time of my life trying to be what everybody wanted me to be. I just wanted each and every single person pleased. Is it my heart? Because I feel cold inside of me. I can't force myself to give a damn anymore. I really, truly and utterly don't. GOD if you're reading this, post a comment. Well, it's not so bad, since breathing was never fun anyway. I don't want anyone to care. I don't want anyone to even try. I'm not asking for help here. Don't misread my words or try to interpret them your way. For once read my lips: my words are precise expression of how I'm feeling at the moment. There's nothing between the lines here. I don't use any psychology techniques like reverse psychology nor looking for empathy from whomever reading this.

I was handsome I was strong,
I knew the words of every song.
Did my singing please you?
No, the words you sang were wrong.

I was just trying to matter.


Note: Being the INTP person that I am, here's something on the subject:

The INTP spends their life examining themselves and their relationship to see what they need to do to make it work. So they spend all their time critically analyzing it...

(a repost from step #11 of Iganokami's Guide to the INTP Mate)